Rants, Trash, & other Forgettables…

Most of my career was in preparation for my final 10 years at work. I ended up being an independent IS/IT consultant. I had reached my personal goal; customers paid me silly money just for my opinion. Oh, I had to do a lot of visual analysis in order to form my opinion, but nobody cared about that. They paid me stupid amounts of money for my opinion. I was in my glory. I determine my hours. I determined how long a day was, I determine what my pay it was, and best of all I could say “No”. It was simple: I was good, I knew I was good, and they knew I was good. I had to retire at 57 because of this unknown (at that time) ASD, and the incredible psychological crash that caused me to forget how to do my job. They called it Acute Stress Disorder (DSM-IV). That was 13 years ago. 

Now, I can’t give my opinion away! I’m a dinosaur at IT, so nobody gives a rats ass about me, or what I think about that anymore. That may sound arrogant, but arrogance never enter into it. It was just all good, and it was my hobby. 

I have become irrelevant. I busted my butt to become something I was very proud of. Something I could show as validation for my existence. Something I could show my father, if he were still alive. I could “hold my head up”; recognized by the 3 major IT manufacturers as an SME (Subject Matter Expert) in TWO independent areas of IT. My opinions had been PUBLISHED, dammit!!! I left my mark. And now, it’s all meaningless.

I can’t help but wonder “Does anyone else have a similar situation?” Some “thing” that you used to have as part of your being, that was robbed by ASD? I’m curious as to how to handle the anger, frustration, and bitterness. Is this an ASD issue, or is it just a plain psychological/emotional problem?